I Love Her

I love her. I admit it. After a year of the same thing, constantly denying the fact that I am indeed in love with my best friend. We were perfect, we could still be perfect and things were always amazing. The only issue was that she fell for another and sadly there was nothing I could do about it. So I dreamed. I hoped and prayed countless times. Soon my normal energetic days turned into depression and tears. Every night was sleepless or barely any sleep at all.

I love her and I don’t ever want to let her go. I want to have her and hold her. I want to love her. I really do. I’d treat her like a goddess and make sure that she was always happy. I’d protect her through everything. I just wish that she would love me back. She never will though. I may hope and wish and dream but no matter what nothing will change.

I’ve made a mistake. I fell for her. I am still falling for her and there’s nothing I can f**king do about it. I see how she looks at him. How she cares about him. How she wants him. She once looked at me like that. Like I was the only one to make her happy. I was the only one to calm her down. All I had to do was hug her, pull her in close and hold her tight and seal it all off with three words. Three fucking words that mean nothing coming out of my mouth. All I ever had to say to her was “I love you.” That’s all she ever wanted to hear. And now it means nothing.

I can’t love her. I have to move on. I can’t forever love the same girl. There’s someone else that loves her. She loves him more. She will always love him more. I am nothing to her. I will never be anything to her.

I’m done dreaming. I’m done hoping. I’m done praying. Nothing has worked. So now, I’m saying goodbye. Goodbye to her, to us, to love entirely. I don’t want to have this feeling ever again. I don’t want to go through this ever again. I want this to be the end. And now it is. This is how this chapter is ending. This is how all of this is going to end.

 I once loved you. And there is a part of me that always will, but I’m done. I hope things are good for you and will always be.